Flirting 101
by MelodicSecrets
Summary: In which Natsu gets some advice about pick up lines from Loke that imply a little more than just picking up. ( NaLu Oneshot )


**Flirting 101**

 **Warning: lots of sexual innuendo jokes ahead**

* * *

Today is the day. I'm definitely gonna confess. I may not be smart, but this feeling is love, and its driving me crazy.

So I decide to get advice from the best in the romance business... Loke.

Except when I explain it to him he just bursts out laughing and the whole guild looks at us like we just tried to eat a plank of wood. "Hey!" I whisper shout. "I'm being _serious."_ I state matter-of-factly.

Loke calms down a little but still laughs, "Natsu," he manages out, _"Our_ Natsu, trying to figure out how to _confess."_

I blush a little, but not too much since its true and what's the point in acting so weird about it?

"So?! I just really gotta say it, okay? Jeesh. " I try to blow off any inner feeling of embarrassment. "C'mon, just help me! You're always being all flirty, so I just assumed you would know so help me!"

Loke waves his hand in the air, I guess to calm him down or something. "Okay, okay. This is serious business. Come closer." He makes a come hither motion with his fingers and I lean a little closer.

"So, the key to getting girls to notice you like them is..."

* * *

"Hey, Luce!" I climb in through the window and plop down onto Lucy's bed.

Lucy doesn't even give me a look and just says distractedly, "Hi, Natsu." I can see she's working on her novel at the moment, because she's sitting comfortably at her desk, with a glass of coffee in a Fairy Tail cup and scribbling all over a large stack of papers.

"Luuuuuuuuuuuce. Pay attention to me." I wave my arms around as an added attention grabber. My teammate just ignored me and continues to write. She must be 'in the zone', as she calls it. I pout impatiently. "Luce. Luuucy. Luce." I repeat her name who knows how many times. Finally, after I've been calling her name for what is probably like 2 minutes, but feels like 2 hours, she answers me.

"What, Natsu? I don't want to go on a mission right now." Lucy sighs.

"That's not what I'm here for!" I defend. I scoot to the edge of the bed and smile. What did Loke say? Start of light hearted and silly, then move to seriousness? Maybe? He told me what to say... I can't remember. Dang. Guess I'll just have to use my own pick-up line.

"So, Luce," Lucy gives me this annoyed 'go on' look, and I have to stop for a second to think of something to say.

"If you were a tree..." What am I saying? "You would be a _good_ tree."

I watch in shock as Lucy nearly faceplants onto the floor in shock. "What the heck, Natsu?"

I don't reply and decide this is a good reaction, and I should continue. "If you were a chicken, you'd be _impeckable."_

She was climbing back up to her chair as I said the joke, but she never makes it up because she falls back down at that joke.

I suppose this means I can go on to serious ones! The ones Loke told me that I actually remember. They're all gibberish to me, but I guess Lucy will be interested in them, because Loke said he promised they worked. Although, kudos to me. I think mine worked best.

I wait _for_ Lucy to climb back up into her chair and gawk at me. "Natsu, what're you-"

"I put the _STD_ in _stud,_ all I need is 'u'!" I cut her off.

I smile proudly. I betcha this one was to show that I'm very smart and can spell. Lucy likes smart people right? Score 1, Natsu.

Although Lucy starts coughing like crazy and her eyes are wide, I bet she's just surprised to see how smart I am.

"N-na-"

"Will you be my love buffet, so I can put you on the table and take what I want?"

I don't know if this implies cannibalism but I hope she knows I don't eat people.

Lucy looks like she's about to cry in that chair but I suppose it's happy tears because I bet she's like, 'oh natsu with these fancy pick up lines I can tell how much you love me'.

"I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me instead?"

"What!?"

"What's the color of your hair?" I question. I know the answer, dunno why I have to ask...

Lucy looks like she's going to suffocate before she answers, but she manages out a, "B-Blonde?"

"And on your head?" Lucy kind of falls out of her chair again.

"Kiss me if I'm wrong but happy _can't_ fly right?"

I just continue to let the pick up lines out because she seems to be enjoying them by the scared look on her face. Loke said that's a good sign. _Weird._

"I'll treat you like my pinky toe, take ya home and bang you on every peice of furniture I have!"

"You look so fine I could drink your bath water!" I proclaim. Which is kind of gross, so I hope she doesn't actually ask me to drink it. Its not like it would kill me though.

"Oh my gosh, Natsu, please-"

I plop backwards onto the bed dramatically, as Loke instructed. "Oh no! I'm dying. I need mouth to mouth!"

"That's it! What the heck, Natsu?" She stands up from her seat. "What are you trying to do?"

I give her a look and sit up. "Isn't it obvious?" I ask. She frowns.

"Usually it would be, but you're Natsu. And these jokes are mostly sexual. Nothing like you at all." I shrug. "Well, that's what Loke said to say when I asked him for help."

"Help?" She's looking at me innocently and oh no its so cute I could just-

Now is not the time, Natsu.

"Help on how to confess, duh." Her face lit up red like my fire. "C-confess?" She squeaks out in a high pitched voice.

"Yeah. Like love and all that girly stuff." She looks at me, her blush remaining, until it calms down and she tries to glare at me. "W-well, that's not how you do it!" She states.

"How do you do it then?"

"Like this."

Before I can even try to figure out what's happening Lucy smashed her lips right onto mine and fell onto my lap, even though I'm on her bed. Is this that kissing thing? It always seemed so stupid to me.

But I was wrong. I was _really, really_ wrong. Because I _really, really_ like this. So I kiss back. And we just sit there, you know, _kissin',_ Lucy right on top of my lap, because she somehow ended up there. Not that I was complaining.

After what seemed like not long enough at all but was probably a long time, we pulled away breathless.

"That's how you really do it..." Lucy says softly. She looks at me with big brown eyes. My senses are tingling and I'm in a sort of daze, so I just nod. "So remember to never say any of those things or I will cook you and feed you to Erza and Gray."

A shiver goes up my spine because this is the second Erza, as we all know. "Y-yes ma'am! So, can we do the dating thing now?"

Lucy smiles mischievously. "You know, you have to do the confessing thing more than once to date." She looks at me expectantly.

"Do you? I guess we better get on that then."

* * *

 **dontletnatsuflirt2k16.**

 **I wrote this a while back ... Yeah :) I wanted to prove to my friends that their innocent Kat could also be dirty minded- they still don't believe me. Hmph.**


End file.
